Does Your Mindset Suck? Let Me Help!
With 9 months of Pandemic under your belt would it be too much to ask "How's your mindset?" Specifically what you can do to improve yours and why your mind might be holding you back from the success that you desire. Pandemic slow down has personally been good for me to get distance and perspective about business and to work on my pivot, but I've never lied to you, it's HARD to get moving again!
I've pulled this post from inside my Smart Boss Club because I think it might just hit home with many of you.
Let me briefly let you in on my own personal struggles with mindset for the several years. You've all heard of self sabotage or impostor syndrome, right?
Well it turns out when you begin to make changes in your life or are on the verge of greater success , the brain goes into overdrive to keep you from getting hurt.
Not so many years ago...a true story about the time I put on my own conference:
BRAIN: I'm freaking out, call in the troops, Kelly is doing something completely out of the ordinary. WE HAVE TO STOP HER!
KELLY: Um... brain? Putting on a conference is NOT going to hurt me.
BRAIN: Ok, let's get a meeting together to figure out the best way to stop her!
ANXIETY: Watch this! Her husband is deployed on a fire, I'll make it so she has a hard time concentrating and getting getting sleep. She won't be able to FOCUS and get everything done! That'll stop her! I'll throw in a bunch of crippling self doubt too! Chest pain? On it!
KELLY: I'm going to use the time that Craig is deployed to really focus on this conference and getting everything together. Why the hell am I procrastinating? I'm getting worried this was a bad idea.
IMMUNE SYSTEM: I could make her sick. She won't be able to speak or have enough energy to stand in front of a crowd. I'm gunning for Bronchitis, step back, I got this!
KELLY: I feel like hell, but I have so much to do! Vitamin C, Garlic pills, Elderberry syrup will do the trick!
BRAIN: I know! Someone call the hotel and make a real mess with the contract, she'll quit before it even starts! I'll make her doubt that anyone will even come!
KELLY: I don't know how to do this! I need help! This was the worst idea.
You get the idea. This IS a true story and the story goes on to a conference with 19 amazing women. I felt incredibly proud, it was the hardest, most draining and both physically + mentally terrifying thing I ever did.
So, what's the problem?
AFTER the conference I felt like I was having a mental break down. Depression, anxiety, loss of a close friend who helped me put on the conference. TOTAL and 100% doubt in myself.
For a long time any ambition was met with, "Who are you to do that?"
Turns out, you CAN work through severe self sabotage.
"What we know about neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to create new pathways and connections has taught us that it is only by doing things differently, and practicing thinking in new ways, that our underlying thoughts and habits change." (Forbes)
I want to pass along to YOU 4 tools I use on a daily basis to change my mindset. Back in January 2020 I was completing an intensive business and mindset program so I'd be READY to pivot and KICKASS in 2020. Some of these tools I learned in that program.
1. Morning meditation BEFORE any email, social media or tech.
Here's a really short one to get you started:
2. Write and FEEL 50 things you are grateful for.
Yes, November finds people posting daily gratitude, but if you make it a daily practice and actually put the feeling into it you'll see an almost immediate shift. When I say feel the gratitude I mean like literal tears in your eyes, smile on your face because you are so very thankful. It doesn't matter so much what you write; it's how you feel. (That last part really shifted things for me with this exercise.)
3. Choose your words & your people wisely.
This self reflection can be hard. Are you the most positive person in the room? Are you the most negative person in the room?
Are your words uplifting, encouraging, supportive?
Are they negative, complaining, depressing?
Pay attention to what you say and how the people around you receive it. Ask your closest people how you come across.
Again, are you the most positive person in the room? If so, find some other people to be around! If you don't have them in your life find them online. IF you are the most negative person in the room dive deep into gratitude. Seriously, your mindset isn't going to change itself. It will take EFFORT on your part.
Turns out 2020 is the PERFECT time to ditch those social media "friends" that aren't friends at all. Unfollow, unfriend, unlike any social media page or person that makes you feel shitty. Do you have people you follow who just seem to have a big FAT chip on their shoulder? The person who is constantly posting passively about something or someone who did them wrong. The business that posts "inspiration" that leaves you feeling like part of the mean girls club. Yeah, those. Get rid of them, I assure you it will pay off in spades.
4. Recognize that your brain's JOB is to keep you safe. (The "lizard brain")
It wants to keep you at status quo and to pull out all the stops if it worries that you are making too big of a shift. This awareness is HALF the battle, but as smart bosses we are gunning for success and the self sabotage and impostor syndrome are bound to kick in.
This video with Seth Godin (skip to 9 minutes if you are antsy) does a good job of describing the lizard brain and its response to change: